Published on May 31st, 2012 | by hipsterwinona0
A Modern Baltimore Love Story – You Have One.
When the last time you saw your girlfriend’s mother was Mother’s Day, and you didn’t bring her a gift and her husband gave her a pen and a t-shirt with drum sticks on it from the Christian book store down the street that was (luckily and inappropriately) open that same Sunday morning, wrapped in a re-used bag and tissue paper from his own birthday the weekend before, and the next time you visit is to finagle free, overnight dog-sitting, you feel inclined show up well prepared.
So, you arrive with a gift or something distracting. You bring items that can be interpreted to carry deep, nostalgic value. You bring tasty (possibly fruity) drink ingredients. You’re prepared for repeat hugs. You smile. You can some jokes. Preparation is key to your survival.
Apply the these well-known keys to family success and end up in your girlfriend’s parents’ basement listening to deutsche pop music from the 90’s at a high volume while her parents alternately make eye contact, sing the chorus and suck down Bacardi and mint through a cut-in-half straw stolen from Chic-fil-a while you try to corral a geriatric poodle away from the stairs. All of this brilliance nestled between loud matches of air hockey and foose-ball while her dad refers to you as “Dego” and jokes about how last Christmas her grandfather tried to set you up with her 13 year old cousin from the mid-west.
Perhaps you frequently find yourself in bizarre situations with your girlfriend’s family. Perhaps you often think nothing could get weirder. Maybe you had no idea that her mother would bring you white roses and whiskey after surgery while you’re lying in bed and casually position them along side an open bible and remark about how Obamacare could ruin everything.
Now, your girlfriend might argue that you’re making her family seem insane, and hey, maybe you are. But that isn’t really the point of acknowledging any of these experiences. The point is that these are the things we do for love. We find a way to see these things and these people individually for the humorous and impossibly unusual things that they are. Because we have something in common with them. We share love for a mutual person. Agreement is overrated. Balance is better. Or at the very least (and most forgivable) more interesting.
*Editor’s note: This post is in no way intended to endorse homosexual lifestyles.